I would now beg to differ Ispy. The tables have turned.
Eg: if he thought my suggestion was a good idea, an opportunity for him to speak directly to the people, and he wanted to go ahead with it the CT are now in a position to manipulate and control him.
All they need to do his threaten him. If he goes ahead with this Q&A session, then they will cease to work for him.
His power has been removed and THAT is what always concerned me. I could see it from the off.
Bamber manipulates and controls those around him AA
You stated,
‘
he ran everything by me or sought opinion Before subscribing to anything. He valued my honest evaluation of media reporting and many a time I did not view the work and results of the CT as was relayed to him by them. What they thought was positive media attention I might have Thought the opposite and I was in a position to relay that to him. He trusted me implicitly and would then relay these concerns to the CT. Not sure what ‘concerns’ you are suggesting Bamber relayed to the CT but he wouldn’t have painted you in a good light AA
It was because of him you were ‘attacked’ like you were
The Narcissist’s Harem, Triangulation and the Enabler Effect“With their magnetic charm and natural charisma, narcissists build harems of supporters and enablers with ease while alienating their victims throughout the relationship. They also use a few of their most loyal supporters to carry out their bidding when appropriate – everything from spying on the victim, collecting information on the victim and sabotaging the victim.
Those that carry out the dirty work for the narcissist are what the survivor community calls “flying monkeys,” and they can consist of false friends of the victim as well as the closest friends of the narcissistic abuser. Yet any enablers of the narcissist – those who protect the narcissist and deny the abuse – can be just as dangerous. The harem (the larger support group) of a narcissist can consist of ex-lovers, “friends” of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on sexual orientation) who are not truly just friends, family members (narcissists are known to engage in covert emotional incest), relatives, co-workers, bosses and even complete strangers they can pull into the relationship dynamic to cause the victim to walk on eggshells.
The victim is essentially used for “target practice” in public and among the harem – humiliated, covertly and overtly put down, as well as triangulated with their harem members with sadistic pleasure. Should the victim ever steal focus away from the narcissistic abuser by being too social, likeable or confident, he or she will put down the victim to belittle his or her sense of self to ensure they are put in their place.
As a result, the abuse victim usually withdraws socially to prevent becoming a target and suffers from low levels of confidence. Should the target of the abuse ever speak out against the abuse, the narcissist then uses these reactions to blame the victim for being “needy,” “clingy,” “overemotional,” “too sensitive” and for “overreacting,” effectively gaslighting the victim into believing that it is the victim’s responsibility not to respond, react to or hold the abuser accountable.
How to Spot an Enabler or Flying Monkey and Move Forward‘Many survivors struggle on their No Contact journey, not only because they are still attached to their abusers through the trauma bond, but due to the invalidation they receive from the rest of society. Those who have fallen under the narcissist’s spell can do just as much damage as the perpetrators. They may unwittingly or even deliberately participate in wreaking havoc on the victim’s life through the following ways:
Partaking in a love triangle with the narcissistic abuser and the victim. These types of enablers become sources of supply as they are receptive to flirtation, infidelity or the narcissist’s sexual advances despite the fact that they know it is morally wrong. They are swept off their feet by the narcissist and believe in the falsehoods that the abuser feeds them about their victims. Common claims that the victim is “crazy,” “insecure” or even abusive are common.
Justifying, rationalizing or minimizing the narcissist’s abusive behavior and blaming the victim if he or she ‘dares’ to speak out or take legal action against the abuser. This is common among enabling family members of the narcissistic abuser, who will do anything to protect their son, daughter, sibling, mother or father regardless of the harm they pose.
Feeding into the smear campaign against a victim by spreading malicious gossip, participating in rumor-mongering, or by excluding the victim from social events.
Helping the abuser to escape consequences for their actions. Lawyers, judges, ADAs can all act as ‘enablers’ of the abuser if they are convinced that the victim is the abuser, if they are charmed by the narcissist’s false mask and/or if they are persuaded by another flying monkey (such as the narcissist’s own lawyer) to drop charges.
Acting as a third party that passes on communication from or about the abuser to the victim through e-mail, text, mail, phone calls or in-person meetings. This can occur despite the presence of a restraining order or the setting of boundaries.
Refusing to believe the victim’s accounts of the abuse and engaging in victim shaming or blaming when the abuse is brought up.
Helping to silence the victim’s accusations by depicting the victim as unhinged, resentful or vengeful. Asking the victim to keep “quiet” about the abuse and to be “mature” or “move on” while dismissing the level of trauma experienced.
Perhaps not all ‘flying monkeys’ or enablers are as unempathic as the narcissistic abuser, but they can cause just as much harm, whether it is intentional or unintentional. Flying monkeys can even be part of the victim’s own support network, charmed by the narcissist to collect information about the victim and pass it onto the abuser.
These enablers may even believe they are doing the morally right thing by supporting the abuser and will rationalize their actions by claiming that they did not see the abuse occur and that they have never “seen that side of the abuser.” While it’s important to acknowledge that enablers fall on all points of the spectrum, from the dangerously malicious to the unwittingly naïve, protecting ourselves from the narcissist’s harem is essential to a survivor’s No Contact journey from his or her abuser.
