Nonsense & jokes!

[puglove]

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
 
To stop the snoring before it starts.

I wonder if Tim snores  &%+((£

He stops if you flip him onto his side.

[Myster]

Not for the faint heated!

 

Or even the faint-hearted!

Men, they may have many faults,
But women only two,
Everything they bloody say,
And everything they do.

[Myster]

EPITAPHS

The Husband's:   As I am now, so you must be,
                            Therefore prepare to follow me.

The Wife's:         To follow you I'm not content,
                            How do I know which way you went?


The Overtaker:   He passed a copper without any fuss,
                            And he passed a cart of hay,
                            He tried to pass a swerving bus,
                            And then he passed away.


Here lie the bones of Elizabeth Charlotte,
Born a virgin, but died a harlot,
She was still a virgin at seventeen,
A very rare thing in Aberdeen.

An accident happened to my brother Jim,
When somebody threw a tomato at him,
Tomatoes are juicy and don't hurt the skin,
But this one was specially packed in a tin.

[Tim Invictus]

He stops if you flip him onto his side.

How the hell do you know that Pugsy!  So true!

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?
The first is a superhero; the second is an instruction!

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?
Murdered in a tunnel in Paris!

[Holly Goodhead]

Or even the faint-hearted!

Men, they may have many faults,
But women only two,
Everything they bloody say,
And everything they do.

Ooops Freudian slip 

An english professor wrote up on the board “woman without her man is nothing” and told his students to punctuate it.

The males in the class wrote “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The Females wrote “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

[Holly Goodhead]

He stops if you flip him onto his side.

Awww how sweet he needs gently tossing over then...

[Tim Invictus]

Awww how sweet he needs gently tossing over then...

What's the story, morning glory!

PS: I taught this fella all he knows! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9olmP07CSSQ

[Holly Goodhead]

What's the story, morning glory!

PS: I taught this fella all he knows! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9olmP07CSSQ

Rise 'n' shine!

Certainly knows how to use his body...

[puglove]

My sweet little granddaughter!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgWN3PDUoxE

[Tim Invictus]

My sweet little granddaughter!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgWN3PDUoxE

I quite believe she is yours Shona .... love her reaction and like you she takes no sh1t! 

[Tim Invictus]

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=d1KvLOZuvxc

 

[Holly Goodhead]

A bus full of Nuns is travelling along a dangerous mountain road and its brakes give out around a particularly tight corner and it crashes down into a ravine where it explodes. All of the nuns are incinerated instantly.

 The Nuns arrive at the entrance to Heaven where they meet Saint Peter who is standing next to a font filled with Holy Water.

 Saint Peter greets the Nuns and asks the first one in line, "Is any aspect of you impure in some way?"

 The first Nun replies, "Well... I did once see a man's penis..."

 Saint Peter tells her not to worry as the holy water will purify her vision, he then splashes some of the holy water onto her eyes and allows her into heaven.

 He asks the second nun the same thing and she replies, "I did once... touch a man's penis." Saint Peter then purifies her vision and dips her hands in the Holy Water to purify her touch and then allows her into Heaven.

 Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through the line to the front looking very exasperated.

 Saint Peter quickly asks, "What is the matter, sister?"

 The Nun replies, "Nothing's wrong, I just want to gargle it before Sister Susan dips her arse in it."

I have heard that "Sister Susan" is in fact Susan on Blue  &%+((£

[charliesnike]

Amazing thread..

[John]

A bus full of Nuns is travelling along a dangerous mountain road and its brakes give out around a particularly tight corner and it crashes down into a ravine where it explodes. All of the nuns are incinerated instantly.

 The Nuns arrive at the entrance to Heaven where they meet Saint Peter who is standing next to a font filled with Holy Water.

 Saint Peter greets the Nuns and asks the first one in line, "Is any aspect of you impure in some way?"

 The first Nun replies, "Well... I did once see a man's penis..."

 Saint Peter tells her not to worry as the holy water will purify her vision, he then splashes some of the holy water onto her eyes and allows her into heaven.

 He asks the second nun the same thing and she replies, "I did once... touch a man's penis." Saint Peter then purifies her vision and dips her hands in the Holy Water to purify her touch and then allows her into Heaven.

 Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through the line to the front looking very exasperated.

 Saint Peter quickly asks, "What is the matter, sister?"

 The Nun replies, "Nothing's wrong, I just want to gargle it before Sister Susan dips her arse in it."

I have heard that "Sister Susan" is in fact Susan on Blue  &%+((£

Very nice Holly.      ...now that's funny!  I must save that one for the next wedding. 

[Tim Invictus]

Bad tasted? Even racist? Three people from the tv station got fired for this ...... bet you at least crack a smile!


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gpP2S6c74Ts