responsibilities

[colinberry1]

Eleanor, please feel free to ask me anything I am really quite transparent.

Well the short answer is NO, it is a long story we thought the offer was an insult, and decided that we really should take this case to court, people should know that Costco's stacked eight washing machines with hardly any Clingfilm round it and stacked it up to the height of 30 feet on the highest racking.

Well our Solicitor wasn't having that, he turned into Hitler believe me the whole thing is corrupted, first he said he was going to remove himself of the records, and then changed his mind when he realize we was sticking to our guns, and brought in an official Solicitor to take over our positions, none of us or even family members had any say in it.

I wasn't in any position by then to be fighting the system, a psychologists on LinkedIn said to me, don't pursue them and neglect your wife, that is what they want, they will have there punishment when the time comes. I have to say I totally agree with her, my wife needed my full attention caged in a body casts for five months temperatures reaching 100° it is all just a nightmare for her.

I believe in opening one of the letters for her from the official Solicitor saying that they want a report from an expert saying that she has or has not the mental capacity for the money to be release from the court, my wife was not in any position to fulfill that, so we have not heard anything for years.

Well to get a tiny idea of what hell we been true here is a link.
http://colinberry2.wordpress.com/2013/12/12/pleading-for-justice/

[Eleanor]

Dear Colin, What a horror story.  And such a pretty woman.

So is this money being held by The Court of Protection?
Why can you not get an assessment of your wife's mental capacity to be done at your home?  I am assuming that she is not mentally impaired, but you will know that better than anyone.
Have you tried your MP?

The Court of Protection may have massive powers, but I don't think they can drag someone from their home without massive repercussions if they don't want to go.  So possibly a good idea not to get too paranoid about it.  Keeping hold of someone's money is a bit different from removing a person against their will. 
And the fact that you need help in caring for your wife would not give them that right.

[colinberry1]

Well Eleanor, I can see that you are light years away from reality, I was approached by huge groups victims of this form of corruption and was warned what lies ahead, no my wife is not under the court of protection because she has a spouse, legally they have no rights, but from my knowledge on how they operate anything is possible, they create their own laws as they go along and protect themselves through the secret courts they hold and in prison those for speaking out, I have collated, a huge amount on this subject and I will give you a link to my pearltrees. http://www.pearltrees.com/colinberry1/guardianship-abuse/id8141326

Check out the Perl on Court of Protection, it would scare you that the UK is quite famous in the European courts for breaking human rights on helpless individuals such as my wife.

I made this video for this group who made me realize the scam involve with families that have money or money due to them, http://youtu.be/j9eJG6fmXP0

(The daughter Yvonne in the video was in prison for speaking out about their case.)

[colinberry1]

Reactions I receive from other people>.........................
You Do Not Own Me
http://ladyguinevere.hubpages.com/hub/You-Do-Not-Own-Me

Well Lady Guinevere after my wife's accident, I have been a 24/7 carer for her, having to close a long established business, I had to readapt my whole life around her basically losing all of our friends, it is amazing to realize how shallow friendships are.
I would not be here if I did not think the world of her, it is difficult to deal with someone that you love who does not at times know where she is or everything that we take for granted, I have been caring for her since 4th of April 2003, all I can say this is a totally mad job, I personally do not think if I was in her situation, she would not be able to cope doing it for me.
I basically hardly have any sleep longer than two hours at a stretch, I have to remind her or convince her to go to the toilet every two hours clean her when she is finish, while she is screaming her head off, what am I doing trying at the same time to stop her from moving.
Well you see my wife had cancer of the bowels, nearly 20 years ago and she had to control her movement by taking 8 Imodium capsules a day, well I cannot give her that now because she has forgotten how to strain and she would be forever blocked up.
I know where you are coming from, you don't know how caring and loving people are until you are in the position when you depend totally on others, just like our friend's and neighbors, they will tolerate helping out once or twice but keep away if it's going to be often, and they all advice me now to put her in a home, I know it is a nightmare but I cannot bear to think that I let her go.
As for my previous post I was only answering the heading {you do not own me) I just did not realize how much our society had control over us until the accident, and how corrupted the whole system is, on top of that I had to also fight for justice to what they had done to my wife.http://colinberry2.wordpress.com/2013/12/12/pleadi...
I have given up all of that now and have to give my wife my full attention to keep her sane.
-----------------------------------------------
A Private Message from someone on hubpages.
Colin, you must be living in a never ending hell. I am so sorry that you and your wife must spend your golden years together faced with these insurmountable challenges.

I, too, had to have a third of my large intestine removed due to intestinal cancer. I did not have a choice in the surgery, but they forget to tell me of the problems I would face because of the missing section of the colon. The section of colon removed was the section where re-absorption of excess water is taken back into the body.

With this process removed, all the water comes rushing through the large intestine. I can never be far from a bathroom. I have found no medication which can be trusted to get me past a few hours.

Sir, it sounds like you are having to deal with much more than the intestinal issues at hand. Dementia is a most terrible disease which is too much for any family member

to handle. In most all cases, a facility for the patient is

the only option. You, kind sir, in all your loving compassion, are not equipped to handle this devastating

situation. You have been a committed care giver, but you

can do only so much. You must maintain your health, from this time forward. What would happen to your Mary if you work yourself into an early grave?

I encourage you to look into a facility that is best suited for Mary's needs. Your job is finished. Even though you are tired and do not feel like continuing, your journey is

not over. You have grown children and possibility grand

children. You have a place in their lives, and I encourage

you to move forward from this day on.

Your experience with Costco must seem like a nightmare. Sadly, we do not live in a world where right always wins over wrong. Without the proper legal representation, you do no stand a chance of any substantial financial gain. You can bet their highly paid retainer lawyers are the best when it comes to litigations

such as these.

Once again, I urge you to get Mary into a facility which specializes in the care that she needs.

I wish you well in your future endeavors,

[Eleanor]

I would agree with the above advice, Colin, if things are as bad as you say.  But quite possibly you cannot bear the thought.

But would it not be better to consider this now, while you still have some control, and before you yourself are ill?   At which point you would have no control at all.

I am so sorry that I cannot be of any help.

[colinberry1]

Eleanor you have been a great help just by communicating with me on the subject, I do not expect people to understand unless you're going through the scenario yourself, lawyers who are reading this thread understand quite well including the judiciary but unfortunately they all belong to the same club.

My wife used to work in a care home, one of them scared her with the going on there, and I told her she best leave, 3 weeks later a male carer was prosecuted for killing quite a few elderly people there, believe me I can go on and on I just hope that things will change when we finally find ourselves there.

Well I have been at my wits end for years now to the point that I cannot even communicate about it. I have been looking for her slippers for several hours now and still cannot find it, she tends to hide them, she does not know that she has to have them on her feet so I have to keep on that it is dangerous not having them on, I still cannot find one side of her slippers generally I don't have any problem in doing so because it is just place in funny awkward places the majority of the time is under the settee, hopefully my elders son be round today so I can do some shopping, I'm hoping that he would find them while I am away shopping.

[Eleanor]

Talk away, Colin.  Talking about horrible things sometimes helps to put them into perspective for your own sake.

Maybe your wife doesn't like wearing slippers, which could be why she hides them.  And is it really dangerous?  I have been walking around bare foot, inside and out, for all of my life during the Summers, and I have never done anything dreadful to my feet.
It's called "Grounding", by the way.  Something to do with negative ions and being good for your general health.  There is a lot about it on Google.  Grass and earth are best.

I very much doubt that anything awful will happen to your wife in a care home with you around to see that it doesn't.  And some of them are good and caring.  You just have to find one that you are happy with.

Perhaps try some other subjects on this Forum.  Just to take your mind off your problems for a minute.  It does help, believe me.  Not that I have ever suffered anything even remotely similar.  But sometimes when I can't sleep for quite ordinary reasons, like old age, reading and commenting on the problems of other people does help.

[colinberry1]

Well yes Eleanor, but she has always worn a slipper, after work put her feet up on the settee, now she refuse to laydown and constantly getting up, I know in homes they put them on opiates to be able to manage them, but apparently that does not do the brains any favor. The way she is here she depreciates an inch a day but in homes they depreciate much quicker, because the drugs slow them down so they are manageable. I do realize I'm not doing myself any favors, but at the end of the day what are we really here four?

[Eleanor]

Well yes Eleanor, but she has always worn a slipper, after work put her feet up on the settee, now she refuse to laydown and constantly getting up, I know in homes they put them on opiates to be able to manage them, but apparently that does not do the brains any favor. The way she is here she depreciates an inch a day but in homes they depreciate much quicker, because the drugs slow them down so they are manageable. I do realize I'm not doing myself any favors, but at the end of the day what are we really here four?

Perhaps just let her give up Slippers, Colin.  One less chore for you.  And I honestly don't think it matters.

And yes, I do know about some Care Homes.  I used to do the laundry for one such, and it was pretty disgusting in the way in which they used Opiates.  But they aren't all like this.  And some of them have moved on towards stimulating their Guests.  They might even be better at it than you can be.  What was happening twenty years ago, isn't necessarily happening now.
You just have to try to find one.

I have a suspicion that you think your wife might be devastated because you will have abandoned her.  When she might not even notice, if she has some of her precious things around her.
If you do decide to do this then it has to be done with great care.  Telling her that you are both going on a holiday is not such a bad one.

We should all be here to do the best we can for anyone that we truly love, or even those we don't.  But it isn't always in their own homes.

I hope that my children will know the difference.

[colinberry1]

Well Eleanor, I don't know who she thinks I am, a figment of her imagination someone that tells her what she has to do, when I have to give her a bath she will scream out for Colin to come and help her as if I am some person that making her do things she does not want to, I have to say to her I am Colin you have to have a bath and then she would start pleading with me that she does not want one.

I belong to most of the elderly and dementia websites, I don't think that things have changed much even though the US seem to be more efficient then us, family carers still say there have the same problems with opiates, even though they give strict instructions that they do not want the drug to be administer, they are just ignored, I suppose it would be extremely difficult for them to manage the patients without administering it.

I think if you turn up at random and find out how many carers are there on duty compared to the patients needing care, that alone would answer it all, at the end of the day it is business that wants to make as much profit as they can.

[Eleanor]

There is your answer, Colin.  Anyone could be Colin so long as he isn't actually there in her mind.

So bloody, awfully sad.  But it happens.  My step grandmother became senile, and she was horrible to my stepmother, who really cared, and suffered greatly.

I do believe that sometimes you just have to give up before it kills you.  At which point you will be of no use to anyone.  And not even able to visit and see if she is being looked after.  That is the bottom line.

But it isn't my place to tell you what you should do.  None of this is your fault, and only you can decide.

[Angelo222]

My partner works in a high dependency Alzheimer's unit and it is devastating to see how once intelligent human beings revert to bring almost babies.  I agree with Eleanor that with the best will in the world one person cannot give someone suffering with dementia the care they need for ever.  You have to think of yourself too Colin and I'm sure your wife wouldn't want you to wear yourself out nursing her indefinitely.  There are special units like that in which my partner works and they are equipped to give their residents the best possible end to their lives.

Care homes have come a long way and are regularly assessed by the local authority responsible.  Residents are not given drugs to quieten them these days, that is an enduring myth.  Only in mental care units are those sorts of drugs given and then only in the worst cases.  All drugs are very closely monitored by doctors these days.

[colinberry1]

Well Eleanor if the solicitors had done their job, I could have manage this whole scenario in a better position then what I am in, to think after all this nightmare I have been through, I would still have another nightmare in front of me, having to deal with this injustice, that would probably finished me off anyway.

[colinberry1]

Hi Angelo222, yes sometimes when she is asleep, I look at her and I cannot believe what has happened to her, she always likes to keep me company when we go shopping, to think in a flash she had become another person.

I must say it does kill my soul sometimes, but I realize that is how life is and have to except what lays ahead beyond our control.

[John]

If I might add my tuppence Colin.  My ex has worked in care homes for 25 years and up until quite recently worked in an Alzheimer's facility.  It is a difficult job with some residents screaming all day and others asking the same question every two minutes.  To be honest I don't know how nurses and carers work in these units for such low pay unless they are dedicated.

Like most things there are good and bad, I would suggest you research the facilities in your local area and go and meet the staff and see what the environment is like.  You can visit care homes at any time so it is not as if they are able to do anything while closed to the public.  I guarantee you will come away with a different impression.