Is the apportioning of blame a coping mechanism?

[Mr Gray]

I think you'll find it was the UK police who advised the McCanns not to show emotion. I can't comment on your quote because there's no cite, but the words 'advice' and 'suggestion' don't mean the same thing.  Counsellor's giving advice would be bad practice because they are telling the client to do what they would do if they were in the client's shoes.

Counselling myth #3 – counsellors give advice

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Caroline Le Vine

11th September, 2012

Caroline Le Vine
Generally speaking, we don’t. Given that someone’s come to me in distress and seeking support, it seems odd, perhaps, that I don’t tell them what to do that will make things better for them. The thing is that I don’t know what will make it better for them. My solution to the problem would be just that: MY solution. It would come from my heart and might be right for me. But it may well not be right for the person sitting with me. Only they can say what will make things better for them and they need to to work it out for themselves.

This is what clients do in counselling: work out what’s really happening, what’s really going wrong (which might not be what they originally thought it was) and then work out what they need to do differently in order to make things better for themselves. I know this is challenging – sometimes we want someone else to do it for us; to sort out the problem and make it go away. But we cannot grow as adults if we let someone else do what we need to do for ourselves.

Counsellors can’t know the answer to everyone else’s problems. What counsellors do know is how to provide a safe and encouraging place for people to explore the possibilities for themselves; how to listen attentively and respectfully and how to put myself in another’s place for a while.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/counselling-myth-3-counsellors-give-advice

so the counsellor works out what they need to do differently....does the counsellor then advise the client or does she keep the information to herself...she advises the client

[John]

Blaming others is a natural response to any disaster.  Just yesterday I found that the bonnet release cable wouldn't release the bonnet of my car which appears to be on permanent loan to my youngest son.  Without thinking I chewed the face off him assuming possibly wrongly that as I hadn't driven the car for several days that it couldn't possibly be my fault.  He pointed out of course that I was the last person to have opened the bonnet.  It is always someone elses fault!

I apologised of course   

[G-Unit]

Counsellors certainly give clients advice on strategies to cope....as this person says they do not give advice generally as in ...change your job...leave your husband,,

so what do you think they do...just listen and say nothing

They may offer suggestions, to be accurate. A suggestion is not the same as advice.

Consider this sentence; My solicitor advised me to plead guilty. The solicitor is telling a client what to do, based on the solicitor's knowledge of the law. Ignoring your solicitor's advice would probably make your situation worse.

Now this sentence; My doctor suggested that I consider having chemotherapy. The decision is the patient's, the doctor is offering a choice.

[carlymichelle]

Km in her horrible  book attacking everyone and casting aspersions sad ungrateful cow said perhaps the searches coukd have been better organised err hello....people spent all night and day and took time off work looking for your daugter who YOU left alone and disappeared whilst you did nothing except ring your bloody  priest shameless bint

agree

[carlymichelle]

Blaming others is a natural response to any disaster.  Just yesterday I found that the bonnet release cable wouldn't release the bonnet of my car which appears to be on permanent loan to my youngest son.  Without thinking I chewed the face off him assuming possibly wrongly that as I hadn't driven the car for several days that it couldn't possibly be my fault.  He pointed out of course that I was the last person to have opened the bonnet.  It is always someone elses fault!

I apologised of course   

john i think if the mcanns  had said   to the world dont do  what we did etc it was wrong etc  more people would have felt sorry for them  but gerry said it was in the bounds of responsible parenting when non biased people know it  wasnt  &%&£(+

[G-Unit]

so the counsellor works out what they need to do differently....does the counsellor then advise the client or does she keep the information to herself...she advises the client

Read again. The counsellor helps the client to  ''work out what they need to do differently in order to make things better for themselves'', she or he doesn't work it out for them.

[John]

john i think if the mcanns  had said   to the world dont do  what we did etc it was wrong etc  more people would have felt sorry for them  but gerry said it was in the bounds of responsible parenting when non biased people know it  wasnt  &%&£(+

I think they were petrified and rightly so that they might be prosecuted for child neglect in Portugal. In the end it was a social worker who came to call in Rothley.

[faithlilly]

what about the phrases "we were not there for Madeleine" and "we failed to keep her safe"?  Do they not count?

When they are prefixed by the phrases quoted above no.

[Mr Gray]

Read again. The counsellor helps the client to  ''work out what they need to do differently in order to make things better for themselves'', she or he doesn't work it out for them.

Of course she does...what do you think her training involves.....but if you google "counsellors don't give advice" as you have done...then you are going to get a skewed view of the practice

[Angelo222]

Certainly a counsellor gives advice.  When I went on holiday with three toddlers and came back with two they were very helpful. I even got a voucher for the unused seat on the return journey.

[Mr Gray]

In our book, we distinguished between two types of advice: process advice and substantive advice. Substantive advice is when therapists impose or give specific suggestions for specific solutions to problems. It’s essentially telling people the solutions to problems. We believe this type of advice is often counterproductive.

The second type, process advice, is when therapists teach their clients strategies for how to solve problems. To say,, “You might want to think about your commitments in terms of your own values and well-being,” for example, is different than saying, “I think you should dump the jerk!” First advice—process. Second advice—substantive (although a little extreme).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-ethical-therapist/201205/give-or-not-give-advice

so do counsellors give advice...yes they do

[G-Unit]

Of course she does...what do you think her training involves.....but if you google "counsellors don't give advice" as you have done...then you are going to get a skewed view of the practice

I googled so as to have a quote and to save arguing. I already knew it wasn't the job of a counsellor to advise clients what to do.

Your argument would  carry more weight if you could provide a quote saying counsellor' s do advise clients? The problem you seem to be having is in understanding the difference between 'advice' and 'suggestion.'

[slartibartfast]

So how do you interpret the following Stephen?

Quote

.......we were Madeleine's parents and in our own eyes we had failed to keep her safe..........

Not quite the same as...

.......we were Madeleine's parents and we had failed to keep her safe..........

[Alice Purjorick]

snip>>>> "Denial may also be used by victims of trauma or disasters and may even be a beneficial initial protective response. In the long run, however, denial can prevent you from incorporating unpleasant information about yourself and your life and have potentially destructive consequences".<<<<< snip.

It's in 'ere:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201110/the-essential-guide-defense-mechanisms

[G-Unit]

In our book, we distinguished between two types of advice: process advice and substantive advice. Substantive advice is when therapists impose or give specific suggestions for specific solutions to problems. It’s essentially telling people the solutions to problems. We believe this type of advice is often counterproductive.

The second type, process advice, is when therapists teach their clients strategies for how to solve problems. To say,, “You might want to think about your commitments in terms of your own values and well-being,” for example, is different than saying, “I think you should dump the jerk!” First advice—process. Second advice—substantive (although a little extreme).
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-ethical-therapist/201205/give-or-not-give-advice

so do counsellors give advice...yes they do

The author seems to have a problem distinguishing between advice and suggestion, but it's clear from the examples what the difference is. Advice is telling the client what they should do. Suggestion is a way of helping the client to identify the problems they are facing and to decide for themselves how to solve them.