Is the apportioning of blame a coping mechanism?

[puglove]

I ultimately blame the abductor, as I tried to explain several times last night. Life is a series of choices and dangers, and I still think that the McCanns were lucky to not lose all 3 of their children. Maddy TOLD THEM that she was unhappy, and  she and Sean had cried. So, to leave them again was selfish and thoughtless.

[Benice]

Therein lies yours, the mccanns, and others like you and them.

The unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions and what they did wrong.

A symptom of the 'not me gov mentality'.

So how do you interpret the following Stephen?

Quote

.......we were Madeleine's parents and in our own eyes we had failed to keep her safe..........

[stephen25000]

So how do you interpret the following Stephen?

Quote

.......we were Madeleine's parents and in our own eyes we had failed to keep her safe..........

Written in a book, designed to gain sympathy.

The mccanns had no thought of logic and commonsense on those 5 nights they left their children alone.

They only thought about themselves.

[Mr Gray]

Therein lies yours, the mccanns, and others like you and them.

The unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions and what they did wrong.

A symptom of the 'not me gov mentality'.

as I said its a matter of understanding...and you obviously don't

[stephen25000]

as I said its a matter of understanding...and you obviously don't

I understand you perfectly.

You, like a few others are on here to defend the mccanns, come hell or high water.

[Mr Gray]

Kate McCann certainly wasn't ready to admit she'd made a mistake when it counted, in 2007. The question she asks herself isn't hard to answer at all, the answer is obvious and would have been obvious to a lot of people before the event which occurred. Even after what happened Kate has difficulty acknowledging her lack of judgement;

"We've doubted what we did," Kate says. "It's hard to answer the question, 'Were we wrong to leave them?'......That night runs over and over in my mind and I'm sure people will learn from our mistake, if you want to call it that.
http://www.mccannfiles.com/id16.html

the mccanns received professional counselling and would have been advised from the outset not to blame themselves...the explanation is that simple

[Benice]

Written in a book, designed to gain sympathy.

The mccanns had no thought of logic and commonsense on those 5 nights they left their children alone.

They only thought about themselves.

You forgot to put IMO.

You made the claim re 'the McCanns unwillingness to take responsibiity etc.    I disputed it and gave evidence to disprove that claim.

The fact that you don't want to accept it and prefer to side-step to your usual mantra is your problem.   It is still evidence that your claim was incorrect imo.

IMO posts which claim the McCanns have never ever admitted guilt/responsibility are libellous as that is clearly not true.

[faithlilly]

I'm at a loss to understand how the quotes below can be interpreted by anyone as 'Kate has never ever admitted she made a massive mistake....''     Could you explain why you don't see the following as an admission of guilt plz?

Quote from KMs book

.......however unwittingly we'd given this predator an opportunity..  We had not been there for Madeleine. And, as I've said before and will say again, our guilt over that is a heavv cross we will bear for the rest of our lives.
Page 202
Unquote

Quote
''Whatever we had or had not done right, we were Madeleine's 'parents and in our own eyes we had failed to keep her safe.  We struggled to bear that sense of guilt and we always will.

With phrases such as 'however unwittingly' and 'whatever we had or had not done right' she certainly shows she feels little or no responsibility for what happened.

[G-Unit]

the mccanns received professional counselling and would have been advised from the outset not to blame themselves...the explanation is that simple

I'm afraid it's not as simple as you think. Giving advice is not part of a counsellor's job description.

Counsellors do not give advice, but help clients to make their own choices
http://www.prospects.ac.uk/counsellor_job_description.htm

[Mr Gray]

I'm afraid it's not as simple as you think. Giving advice is not part of a counsellor's job description.

Counsellors do not give advice, but help clients to make their own choices
http://www.prospects.ac.uk/counsellor_job_description.htm

absolute rubbish...counsellors give advice. Don't you remember the mccanns being told not to show emotion. Counsellors will tell you how to make positive changes in your life...believe what you like ..I know what I am talking about....with respect as someone who does not accept doctors are intelligent...you do not.

When someone close to you dies, it can be a distressing and overwhelming experience – even when the death was expected.

In this guide, Understanding Bereavement, we explain the different emotions you may be feeling during your grieving and we provide suggestions to help you cope with your loss.

I think you would agree providing suggestions is giving advice

[Alfred R Jones]

With phrases such as 'however unwittingly' and 'whatever we had or had not done right' she certainly shows she feels little or no responsibility for what happened.

what about the phrases "we were not there for Madeleine" and "we failed to keep her safe"?  Do they not count?

[Benice]

With phrases such as 'however unwittingly' and 'whatever we had or had not done right' she certainly shows she feels little or no responsibility for what happened.

 
On the contrary Faith -  IMO Kate is clearly saying............... 'whatever the whys and wherefors are -  the fact  is that at the end of the day we - her parents - had failed to keep her safe and we will never stop feeling guilty about that'. (not verbatim)

How can you change that into ''she certainly shows she feels little or no responsibility for what happened''?

[stephen25000]

You forgot to put IMO.

You made the claim re 'the McCanns unwillingness to take responsibiity etc.    I disputed it and gave evidence to disprove that claim.

The fact that you don't want to accept it and prefer to side-step to your usual mantra is your problem.   It is still evidence that your claim was incorrect imo.

IMO posts which claim the McCanns have never ever admitted guilt/responsibility are libellous as that is clearly not true.

You seem to have omitted the phrase that they were exhibiting 'responsible parenting skills'.

Anyone can write what they did after the event.

Unfortunately, they had no common sense at the time they left their children exposed to danger.

[G-Unit]

absolute rubbish...counsellors give advice. Don't you remember the mccanns being told not to show emotion. Counsellors will tell you how to make positive changes in your life...believe what you like ..I know what I am talking about....with respect as someone who does not accept doctors are intelligent...you do not.

When someone close to you dies, it can be a distressing and overwhelming experience – even when the death was expected.

In this guide, Understanding Bereavement, we explain the different emotions you may be feeling during your grieving and we provide suggestions to help you cope with your loss.

I think you would agree providing suggestions is giving advice

I think you'll find it was the UK police who advised the McCanns not to show emotion. I can't comment on your quote because there's no cite, but the words 'advice' and 'suggestion' don't mean the same thing.  Counsellor's giving advice would be bad practice because they are telling the client to do what they would do if they were in the client's shoes.

Counselling myth #3 – counsellors give advice

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Caroline Le Vine

11th September, 2012

Caroline Le Vine
Generally speaking, we don’t. Given that someone’s come to me in distress and seeking support, it seems odd, perhaps, that I don’t tell them what to do that will make things better for them. The thing is that I don’t know what will make it better for them. My solution to the problem would be just that: MY solution. It would come from my heart and might be right for me. But it may well not be right for the person sitting with me. Only they can say what will make things better for them and they need to to work it out for themselves.

This is what clients do in counselling: work out what’s really happening, what’s really going wrong (which might not be what they originally thought it was) and then work out what they need to do differently in order to make things better for themselves. I know this is challenging – sometimes we want someone else to do it for us; to sort out the problem and make it go away. But we cannot grow as adults if we let someone else do what we need to do for ourselves.

Counsellors can’t know the answer to everyone else’s problems. What counsellors do know is how to provide a safe and encouraging place for people to explore the possibilities for themselves; how to listen attentively and respectfully and how to put myself in another’s place for a while.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/counselling-myth-3-counsellors-give-advice

[Mr Gray]

I think you'll find it was the UK police who advised the McCanns not to show emotion. I can't comment on your quote because there's no cite, but the words 'advice' and 'suggestion' don't mean the same thing.  Counsellor's giving advice would be bad practice because they are telling the client to do what they would do if they were in the client's shoes.

Counselling myth #3 – counsellors give advice

Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Caroline Le Vine

11th September, 2012

Caroline Le Vine
Generally speaking, we don’t. Given that someone’s come to me in distress and seeking support, it seems odd, perhaps, that I don’t tell them what to do that will make things better for them. The thing is that I don’t know what will make it better for them. My solution to the problem would be just that: MY solution. It would come from my heart and might be right for me. But it may well not be right for the person sitting with me. Only they can say what will make things better for them and they need to to work it out for themselves.

This is what clients do in counselling: work out what’s really happening, what’s really going wrong (which might not be what they originally thought it was) and then work out what they need to do differently in order to make things better for themselves. I know this is challenging – sometimes we want someone else to do it for us; to sort out the problem and make it go away. But we cannot grow as adults if we let someone else do what we need to do for ourselves.

Counsellors can’t know the answer to everyone else’s problems. What counsellors do know is how to provide a safe and encouraging place for people to explore the possibilities for themselves; how to listen attentively and respectfully and how to put myself in another’s place for a while.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/counselling-myth-3-counsellors-give-advice

Counsellors certainly give clients advice on strategies to cope....as this person says they do not give advice generally as in ...change your job...leave your husband,,

so what do you think they do...just listen and say nothing