Why do you believe that sympathy equates with pity or that anyone who offers their sympathy believes they know "how you must be suffering". My experience is that people will feel very inadequate when expressing comfort/sympathy because they do realise that unless they have shared the same loss/tragedy then words are very inadequate but that is all they have to offer,
What you highlight, Erngath, is
precisely the difference between
sympathy and
empathy.
Those (thank goodness, the overwhelming majority) who have never lost a loved and cherished child cannot walk in the shoes of someone who has (
empathy).
All those who never have can offer (to those who have) is
sympathy, perhaps second-rate (to empathy) but , still, a
vast improvement on outright hostility.
I don't recall the exact detail, but I do recall Kerry Needham inviting Kate (from memory) to appear (I think) on a television show with her (way back) to share experiences of being the mother of a lost child.
Kate declined the invitation, because (as she explained to Kerry) she found it hard to put herself in the shoes of a mother who had been apart from her child as long as Kerry (then) had.
Still, Kate's response was (perceived by Kerry!) as warm and (yes!)
empathetic: Kate (then) was able to walk in Kerry's shoes, but just not quite as far.
