The psychology of it all - Is guilt deflected in other ways?

[Carew]

Well very broadly, I think his insistence in many different ways and in many contexts that he did nothing wrong in leaving his children; his shifting regularly the focus of attention, in the case in general, onto what other people are saying and doing rather than what he and his wife are / should have been doing; his pursuit of libel actions to the extent he has done; his focusing on the global 'sightings' of Madeleine whilst matters closer to home remained unexamined partly due to decisions made by the McCanns, are all examples of creating distance.

A person who feels pain and very often guilt will create a situation which contains elements of distance - real or imaginary as required - in order to buffer themselves from the pain.

Verbal distancing also comes into play quite a lot with GM ('we will always regret not being with Madeleine when she was taken') .  Here, he 'removes' himself from the situation, and thereby sidelining from himself his feelings of  guilt - creating nonsensical statements in the process.

Is that enough for now?

............and then again, very broadly, creating "distance" verbally or otherwise could also indicate a need to deflect suspicion elsewhere and attempt to manipulate the direction an investigation takes.

[Carew]

Quote from KMs book

.......however unwittingly we'd given this predator an opportunity..  We had not been there for Madeleine. And, as I've said before and will say again, our guilt over that is a heavv cross we will bear for the rest of our lives.
Page 202
Unquote

Note the self-absolution in the quote, though..........The guilt seems only with regard to "not being there.".........i.e. helpless and passive.......unwitting.

The guilt expressed does not, imo, seem to acknowledge any direct involvement due to actual parenting decisions.

[AnneGuedes]

Quote from KMs book

.......however unwittingly we'd given this predator an opportunity..  We had not been there for Madeleine. And, as I've said before and will say again, our guilt over that is a heavv cross we will bear for the rest of our lives.
Page 202
Unquote

This is saying "guilt" (with the excuse of not having ubiquity power), not expressing it, although she's writing..
Sorry, Carew, I hadn't read your post !

[AnneGuedes]

She's on a magical mystery tour of her own.

Could you elaborate a bit, SH ?

[Benice]

Note the self-absolution in the quote, though..........The guilt seems only with regard to "not being there.".........i.e. helpless and passive.......unwitting.

The guilt expressed does not, imo, seem to acknowledge any direct involvement due to actual parenting decisions.

I disagree Carew.    April Jones parents 'unwittingly' allowed a scenario where their daughter could be abducted.  Ben Needham's grandparents 'unwittingly' did the same. 

It is the right word to use IMO as in none of those cases did the parents intentionally put their little ones in danger.

[AnneGuedes]

Well very broadly, I think his insistence in many different ways and in many contexts that he did nothing wrong in leaving his children...

I don't see any distance here. Mr McCann has been asked many times why they left the children alone and he had to provide an answer. Stricto senso, because of the ellipse on "resulting in Madeleine's abduction", his answer that he did nothing wrong is right. He never imagined that abduction could happen and nobody would have.
The reasons why they should never ever have left the children alone are far more serious and real than an abduction from bed risk with a quasi null probability. Then, logically, why should he feel guilty if none of the awful likely events occurred?
Mr McCann is taking no distance here, he rightly says he did nothing wrong on the topic of abduction, his feeling of guilt being limited to not being a superfather gifted with omnivision and omnihearing.
Though Mr McCann claimed he was surprised by the door that moved by itself, he never said he felt guilty not to have checked behind the door. There he had a very good opportunity to express guilt. But he never caught it. Was he taking a distance ? Or did he just lack of imagination ?

[pathfinder73]

"Sometimes people do things for reasons that even they cannot understand."
"An act of madness, an accident or sudden impulse can lead to consequences that people may never have imagined or intended." (GM Blogs)

[Carew]

I disagree Carew.    April Jones parents 'unwittingly' allowed a scenario where their daughter could be abducted.  Ben Needham's grandparents 'unwittingly' did the same. 

It is the right word to use IMO as in none of those cases did the parents intentionally put their little ones in danger.

An interesting defensive response , given the thread title !........

A sort of "Guilt Deflection Syndrome by Proxy" response on behalf of the McCanns ........by immediately removing direct scrutiny away from their " unwitting" actions by linking them with the "unwitting" actions surrounding two entirely different parenting situations, in a broad sweep of generalisation.

Isn`t this a form of distancing to avoid confronting awkward truths about the parenting of Madeleine as an individual on the night she disappeared.

[Lace]

I wonder what everyone thinks the words 'we let her down'  mean?    If not an expression of guilt.

[AnneGuedes]

I wonder what everyone thinks the words 'we let her down'  mean?    If not an expression of guilt.

Just observing a certain reality, or perhaps a built up reality.

[Sherlock Holmes]

So what do you expect them to do?  Give up and accept it?

The searching is part of the guilt, but only a small part.

That's true; they are not searching mainly because of guilt, but because they want to find their daughter.

I am speaking of certain aspects of the search and the way it is conducted, together with the McCanns' reactions and responses to certain things, which show displaced feelings of guilt.

Guilt is not fueling the vehicle, but it is affecting how the vehicle is being driven.

[Sherlock Holmes]

Quote from KMs book

.......however unwittingly we'd given this predator an opportunity..  We had not been there for Madeleine. And, as I've said before and will say again, our guilt over that is a heavv cross we will bear for the rest of our lives.
Page 202
Unquote

Yes, Kate McCann has been slightly more forthcoming in this aspect than her husband. That is why I focused on Gerry's reaction to things.

She also refers to the fact that, never having been in a situation like it - in common with most people -  she does not know, and cannot be expected to know, if the way she is handling everything is the best way or not, and is 'past caring' what people who criticise her think.

There is obviously much more candidness and emotional honesty here.

[Angelo222]

Guilty people usually look for others to blame for their own shortcomings.

[AnneGuedes]

That's true; they are not searching mainly because of guilt, but because they want to find their daughter.

I am speaking of certain aspects of the search and the way it is conducted, together with the McCanns' reactions and responses to certain things, which show displaced feelings of guilt.

Guilt is not fueling the vehicle, but it is affecting how the vehicle is being driven.

I'm curious of the idea you may have of their personal "search" vs the search that was allegedly hampered by GA's book. And by the way are you "searching" yourself as they asked people to ?

[Sherlock Holmes]

Would that include Amaral and the Portuguese police do you think  ?

Do you think Gerry's determined avoidance of taking responsibility   (  blaming himself  )  for what happened to his daughter was reflected in his heaping of blame on the Portuguese police,  and Amaral in particular  ?

Yes.

Even though Amaral and his team made mistakes (by his own admission), this is a totally separate matter from his demonisation by the McCanns.

As we have discussed at length, the current libel action against Amaral rests on dubious and highly subjective premises: the premise that if people think Madeleine is dead they will not be interested in looking for a perpetrator; the premise that it is specifically Amaral's exposition of events that has convinced people that Madeleiene is dead (and that therefore that people should not look for her).. and so on. And we have discussed the difficulty of proving these things in court.

And we have discussed the fact that there are many other things that could have hampered the search for Madeleiene, including things that the McCanns themselves may have said or done. So why focus so heavily on Amaral?

Given that this is not a case where the McCanns would be likely to reap millions either, whatever the verdict, it is therefore questionable what the motive in bringing matters to trial should be. If not practical or financial, it may well be psychological, as it were.